Went to catch PS I Love You at Lido today before it's gone for good. It was said to be very touching show but it was quite normal to me. I dunno why but I can feel it being close to me.. From the first quarrelling scene to all the things that the husband did for the wife... It all made sense, if you know what I mean.

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I still remember....

5 years ago I got back my O level results and I did like shit. I did my daily work and was expecting results like 12 or 13 points, but I got 17. I wanted to get into Temasek JC at that time but with 17 points, I was wondering if I could even get into TPJC. I went home and cried. Cried so hard that my pillow was wet and my mum had to leave me alone. Life did not go according to what I wanted and I was disappointed with myself. I hated myself.

And there I went. To a shit college called TPJC. I did not want to be there. I had a choice to go poly but I chose this path, partly because many of my friends went there. I did not know why I was there. So I decided to sleep during lectures, make noise when I wasn't sleeping so that people can hate me, not do my tutorials, act xia lan, play squash like I was in college for that, slept at times like 7pm and being awake at 2am. I suffered.

End 2004 I got back my A level results. It was worse than the shit I got in 2002. But I didn't cry this time. I deserved this shit.

I put my studies at the back of my mind, moving on to serve my country, hoping to find my breakthrough. As usual, I did not perform in BMT and went to SISPEC instead of OCS. I asked myself what did I do wrong, which I realised my dream was empty. I did not plan steps and execute to make it happen.

End of SISPEC, I finally got a choice in my life. I could choose where I wanted to go. I was given a chance to choose the unit I wanted to go and was even given the chance to be a platoon sergeant at some shit unit (I thought the warrent wanted to give me the chance). I chose Guards. I wanted to make full use of the time in army and decided suffering was the way to go. And I wanted to stick with Ben and made a difference to the place we go to. And we did.

Today at this moment, I am in total control of my life. I am studying something which I like and I am going to make the difference at the shit institute. I plan ahead for whatever I do and whatever I intend to do in future. I plan. And I plan ahead with obstacles so as to avoid it with many alternate paths to the destination. I dream when I am idling. I don't complain about the time I have on my hands. You have 24 hours, so do I. The difference is that I make full use of it. Words like First Class Honours, CFA, ACCA, INSEAD, banker, broker, trader, private trader, 4-room flat, private estate, en-bloc, marriage, children, retirement probably don't piece up nicely to you. Too bad.

Even if I don't get the 100 pounds award from UOL for topping a subject, even if I don't pin my name up in the Hall of Fame, I won't cry anymore. For I know I have done my best.

My dream for my time in SIM is to pin my name up as the top student for at least 8 out of the 12 slack modules in this degree program. Once again, don't call me a university student. I am not from NUS or NTU or SMU. These people are the pillars of our society. I will be the cream.

Come walk with me, the best is yet to be.