Today was a bad day in school. Had PBF lecture and everything went wrong. First was the class test. It was so easy but I did it wrongly, unsure of my own answer and by the time I realised the correct answer I started to panic. I shivered. I shivered cos I was afraid I couldn't finish. I shivered cos it was so easy and I got it wrong.

The test did not carry any weightage towards my overall performance but I was afraid that the same thing would happen when the real exam comes. It will be 3 and a half years since the last major exam so I don't really know what to expect.

Upon handing in the paper, we took back our previous class test. I got 19/25. I felt so disgusted with myself. I was expecting 22 if not full marks. How to be the top 10% like that? Maybe my expectation of myself is extraordinary, but I won't settle for anything below 70 in this slack programme. My classmate told me 19x4 = 76% which is equal to first class honours, I felt like giving him one bloody tight slap. I don't know how it can be measured like this when the test is only on one chapter. He got 15 and was over the skies. I seriously don't know what's wrong with all this "university students" thinking. Disgusting.

I began to wonder... What is the reason I can't find someone whom I can click with in class? Why don't anyone share the same drive towards academic excellence? Those people in SIM will certainly know what I mean, more than 70% of the people cannot be bothered at all. I'm sure if you take a look at NUS or NTU, the people who study hard, whether with or without a purpose, or just to prove they are better than the foreigners, will make up more than 70%.

Once again, I'm being put in an environment that don't give me the strength to achieve.